


Dreams That Cannot Be

by StellarLibraryLady



Series: Star Trek The Gentle Seasons Series [42]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies), Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Bickering, Developing Relationship, Friends to Lovers, Friendship, Friendship/Love, Lost dreams, Love Confessions, M/M, Melancholy, Mutual Pining, Pining McCoy, Pining Spock, Sexual Tension
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-20
Updated: 2018-09-20
Packaged: 2019-07-01 05:02:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,798
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15767133
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/StellarLibraryLady/pseuds/StellarLibraryLady
Summary: Spock tries to cure McCoy's melancholy.





	Dreams That Cannot Be

**Author's Note:**

> Inspired by watching Susan Boyle sing "I Dreamed A Dream" on YouTube.

“Tell me, Doctor, why do you believe I should be willing to feel emotion when I can plainly see that it does you Earthlings no good whatsoever to be subjected to its fluctuations? Why would I even be willing to experience that for myself?” 

McCoy stared at Spock, then shuffled away.

“What is wrong with Dr. McCoy, Captain? He walked away without answering.”

“Maybe some questions cannot be answered, Spock. They hurt too much. McCoy’s had a lot of pain in his life. You reminded him of it, I expect.”

“I did not intend to hurt him.”

“Why don’t you tell him that? He needs to know that you’re not indifferent to his feelings.”

"Why does he take everything so personally?"

"That's just the way he is. He can empathize. That might be a skill which you should try to copy," Kirk said pointedly.

Spock raised an eyebrow slightly in thought.

 

Spock considered all that Kirk had said, then he acted. He found McCoy in the day room after shift.

"Might I join you in the partaking of refreshment, Doctor?"

McCoy studied him, then thought better of it. "Why the hell not? Go on. Sit down. I couldn't have stopped you from sitting there anyway."

"I would not have invaded your personal space or your thoughts without permission, Doctor."

"Well, you're the first person whoever felt guilty about something like that. Generally, they have bigger fish to fry than social niceties." Before Spock could ask the question plainly written on his inquisitive face, McCoy muttered. "It's an expression meaning that the other person has something else on his mind. In this case, privacy. Alright, spit it out, Commander. You didn't hunt me up to pass the day. Jim Kirk sent you, didn't he?"

"If you knew, then why did you ask?"

"Confirmation, if nothing else. Sometimes Earthlings like to feel psychic, didn't you know that?" His voice rang with insincerity.

But Spock didn't catch the innuendo. "They do?"

"Oh, hell, you're no fun. You're so gullible, you'd believe anything I told you."

"And here I thought that I was being the consummate skeptic."

McCoy laughed, although it sounded ragged as if he was tearing it out of himself. "Oh, Mr. Spock, you are a treasure! A treasure, indeed! Just when I figured I knew what you'd be saying, you come up with something like that."

"I meant it, Doctor," Spock sniffed, a little insulted.

"Bless your heart, I know you did. And I was being mean, wasn't I?" he asked with a gentle smile. "Sorry."

"Perhaps this is a case in which you are angry at life and decided to take it out on whoever appears. Correct?"

McCoy's eyes got big. "Wow! You are being insightful!"

"Perhaps you might concede that others besides Earthlings can possess that trait."

"Granted." McCoy studied Spock. "Something's got a bee in your bonnet, doesn't it?"

"Doctor, I am not wearing nor do I even possess a bonnet," Spock recited in a logical, but very tired, voice. "And since there are no free-flying bees on the Enterprise, there is no possible way that I could acquire such an insect in any head apparel. Indeed, I am not even wearing--"

McCoy held up his hand in surrender. "Forget the bees. Forget the bonnet. Let's talk about something else. Although I gotta admit, this topic is interesting as hell to me," he muttered to himself as he turned away. He took a fortifying swig of his liquid, then turned his attention and an unnatural grin on Spock. "Now, what do you have on your mind? Obviously, something is troubling you. Maybe I can give it some rest, even if I don't find any for my own woes."

“Doctor, I regret if I caused you any anguish earlier on the Bridge. It was not my intention to appear callous. I am sorry if I inadvertently hurt your feelings by what I carelessly said. That was not my intentions, at all.”

“Spock, I appreciate your saying that. I know that you thought long and hard about coming here. That's the mark of a mighty big man to be able to do something like that. I thank you, and I, well, I'm mighty proud to call you my friend, if that's alright with you."

"Certainly." Spock tried to fight down the pride swelling within him. McCoy's praise felt good to hear and Spock preened in it. He knew that he shouldn't be gratified by the accolades of a person he admired so much, but he did.

"It's because you were the one who said it that it registered so much with me." He saw Spock's puzzled face. "Because of the friendship between us, and all."

"Oh, oh, I understand." Spock frowned slightly. "I think."

"But you didn't cause me the initial pain. It isn’t you. You gotta realize that. You just reminded me of it, that’s all.”

“Of what?”

McCoy got a sad look on his face. “That there are dreams that cannot be. We cannot do it all. We cannot accomplish a tenth of what we want to do in life. We plan to do so much when we start out. We're going to make a difference. Leave our marks. Solve the great mysteries." He pinched his lips together. "But we don't even make a dent. If we're lucky, we break even and don't set humanity backwards with our good intentions. But we make such little change,” he finished wistfully.

“Maybe that is a good thing.”

“Oh?”

“What if we accomplished everything that we wished to do and no longer had any goals?”

“Well, that would be bad, I suppose,” McCoy decided.

“And not having everything makes us appreciate what we do have.”

“We’ve all lost a helluva lot, haven’t we? But look at what we’ve got. That's what you're saying, right?”

“Precisely.”

“And I’m one of the luckiest.” McCoy’s eyes warmed as he looked at Spock fondly. “I mean, who else has a stiff-assed Vulcan who keeps nipping at his heels to keep him honest?”

Spock drew himself in. “Well, I do not know if that sounds quite how I would describe myself. I try to stay limber with exercise and stretches so that my posterior bents when I require such a motion--”

“Oh, Mr. Spock, you really are a treasure!" McCoy declared with a hearty laugh. "How was I ever lucky enough to know you?! I love you so much!"

Spock looked startled.

“What? You never figured that out about me?" McCoy had a wily look on his relaxed face. He even looked younger than he had in days. "You never thought I was capable of loving a pain in the ass that I'd miss like thunder if I didn't get to see you every day?” McCoy said softly. “See? That's what I mean about feelings. I have emotions, and I can express them. So I can say something like loving you and mean it clear through myself and broadcast the fact from the highest hill. And the universe celebrates with me because its so damn happy about my good fortune. I am willing to share the news about my good fortune, while you, you--”

“I realize that I do not possess the adequate emotions to reciprocate with such blatantly sentimental statements as you have just expressed, but--”

“You’re wrong. For the first time in years, I’ve caught you in a baldfaced lie!”

“Vulcans cannot--”

“I'll explain. Mr. Spock, you do, too, possess the adequate emotions to say blatantly sentimental statements. You simply choose not to use them.”

Spock considered that statement and conceded. “You might be right at that, Doctor.”

“I am right! Don’t go telling me that I’ve lost yet another verbal debate with you when I haven't! You don’t play fair with your abstractions. You couldn't come right out and declare something as wild as caring for someone else beside Jim Kirk and your parents, if your life depended on it!" McCoy's eyes were flashing as he warmed to his topic and flung his hand out in emphasis. "Simple, unobstructed proclamations could never pass your lips in your abstract world! Why, you could never make any statement like I made if your life depended on it!"

“Dr. McCoy--"

"Why, you'd come closer to hatching out a clutch of bald eagle eggs in a Montana blizzard than you would ever say something like that--"

"Dr. McCoy--"

"What?! Spit it out, man! What?!"

"I love you back.”

McCoy’s mouth dropped open with shock.

“Is that concise enough for you, Doctor? Shall I name the first male eaglet after you?” Spock looked proud of himself. “I do believe that I have managed to silence you with the use of debate. And I did not use a single abstraction.”

“Don’t let it go to your head!” McCoy snapped. “I was stunned that you used a preposition to end a sentence, that’s all.”

“Doctor, in this case, 'back' was used as an adverb. Do not take this victory from me on a technicality. Besides, I believe that it has been decided by grammarians that 'back' is not a preposition.”

McCoy grinned. “I think that I’m the victor here. Grammar isn't the subject here. I got you to admit to an emotion.”

“It is only because it is so overwhelmingly--”

“And not because it’s true?” McCoy teased.

“That is how I was going to end the sentence,” Spock said softly. “My statement, as well as my regard for you, is overwhelming true.”

“Oh. Well.” McCoy looked flustered.

“Who cannot handle the truth now, Doctor?” Spock wanted to know with a clever look on his face.

McCoy blushed a deep red.

At that moment, Jim Kirk walked up. “Hi, guys. Getting things straightened out?” He glanced at McCoy. "Been under the sunlamp too long, Bones? That burn's gonna peel something fierce in a couple of days."

“Captain, Dr. McCoy loves me,” Spock said proudly. “He just told me so.”

“That’s nice, Mr. Spock.” Kirk glanced at McCoy. “Opened up, huh?”

“Jeez!” McCoy complained. “I can’t win with you two!”

“You’re cute when you bluster, Bones,” Kirk teased. “Has Spock ever told you that?”

“No coaching the Vulcan! He’s doing just fine on his own, poking fun at me.”

It was written on Kirk's face what he just managed to stop himself from saying. But it involved Spock poking more than fun at McCoy.

McCoy didn't see Kirk's face. He'd lowered his head for a sip of his hot drink.

But Spock saw. And apparently understood, because he flushed a beautiful deep green the next moment.

Kirk smiled to himself. It was wonderful how Spock and McCoy were helping each other to come out of their shells.

Just look how Spock was beginning to show what he was really feeling.

**Author's Note:**

> I own nothing of Star Trek, its characters, and/or its story lines. I own nothing of "I Dreamed A Dream" from "Les Miserables." I do not represent Susan Boyle.


End file.
